The clinic where I live organised a 'weight loss support group session' and today was the first of six session. At first I wondered if 6 sessions are going to be of any help, then again something is better than nothing. I've a few CBT questions to answer as 'homework'. Hopefully I can break the cycle.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Happy Birthday Umma
Today was my mom's 60th birthday.. and I really wished with all my heart I was there with her. I kind of started the day feeling down, then the feeling spiraled into frustration and misery. I was upset and grumpy and sadly took it out on my son and husbanf while I vacuumed our home... and then sat down and burst into tears, allowing myself to feel what I felt. I said some affirmations namely 'Life supports me and I support life... all is well in my world' and felt better after a while.
A dear friend Caroline came over spontaneously in the evening and we spoke a lot about how to get rid of that inner voice.. you know the one that finds a way to make you feel inadequate.. It takes a lot of practicing.. 4 months and I am still practicing.
What made me happy today.
1. 'Me-time' - I had 2 full hours, on a weekend for myself.
2. I read a few wonderful magazines during my 'me-time''
3. The support I received from my friends on facebook.
4. Caroline's chats and visit.
5. The 5 minutes my husband and I spent teasing each other while the energizer calmed down watching Wall.E
6. My sister and I had a good laugh about our mom.
A dear friend Caroline came over spontaneously in the evening and we spoke a lot about how to get rid of that inner voice.. you know the one that finds a way to make you feel inadequate.. It takes a lot of practicing.. 4 months and I am still practicing.
What made me happy today.
1. 'Me-time' - I had 2 full hours, on a weekend for myself.
2. I read a few wonderful magazines during my 'me-time''
3. The support I received from my friends on facebook.
4. Caroline's chats and visit.
5. The 5 minutes my husband and I spent teasing each other while the energizer calmed down watching Wall.E
6. My sister and I had a good laugh about our mom.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I'm blessed
I'm blessed in many ways; I'll mention a few before I call it a day.
1. Blogging happy-me label shows the many things that I am thankful for, every single day.
2. I'm blessed to have a supportive husband who still makes my heart skip a beat :)
3. I am blessed to be a mom to a 3½year old whose energy would put the energizer bunny to shame hahahaha. I am lucky to be part of his thirst for knowledge and his never-ending 'why? what happens then? why?' questions eventhough there are days I feel too exhausted to deal with him.
4. I am grateful every single day for technology because I can call my parents, sister and friends back back home via telefon, chatting on Skype, via webcam, SMS... amazing!
5. I am grateful for the internet for the knowledge I've gained all these years, and yes, including Facebook! hahahaha
What are you thankful for? Find the smallest things that you find a blessing.. even if it as small as 'i am blessed to be alive'. Thats big.. massive. and most of us live life as though we are dead.
I'M ALIVE! ! ! !
1. Blogging happy-me label shows the many things that I am thankful for, every single day.
2. I'm blessed to have a supportive husband who still makes my heart skip a beat :)
3. I am blessed to be a mom to a 3½year old whose energy would put the energizer bunny to shame hahahaha. I am lucky to be part of his thirst for knowledge and his never-ending 'why? what happens then? why?' questions eventhough there are days I feel too exhausted to deal with him.
4. I am grateful every single day for technology because I can call my parents, sister and friends back back home via telefon, chatting on Skype, via webcam, SMS... amazing!
5. I am grateful for the internet for the knowledge I've gained all these years, and yes, including Facebook! hahahaha
What are you thankful for? Find the smallest things that you find a blessing.. even if it as small as 'i am blessed to be alive'. Thats big.. massive. and most of us live life as though we are dead.
I'M ALIVE! ! ! !
Happy Friday
Things that made me happy today:
1. I am off on Fridays to spend the day with my son, who today was in a different ''zone'' (or was it me?) We both were magnetic north poles and I still made the best out of the day.
2. My pineapple pie was to die for and the best it ever tasted!
3. A little blast-from-the-past music
4. The wonderful inspiration my chocolate-loving amiga Vasthi shared with me today.
5. The afternoon spent with Veronica, Hans, baby Erika and Georgina. good food too :)
6. The good night song my son sang before he went to sleep.
What made YOU happy today?
1. I am off on Fridays to spend the day with my son, who today was in a different ''zone'' (or was it me?) We both were magnetic north poles and I still made the best out of the day.
2. My pineapple pie was to die for and the best it ever tasted!
3. A little blast-from-the-past music
4. The wonderful inspiration my chocolate-loving amiga Vasthi shared with me today.
5. The afternoon spent with Veronica, Hans, baby Erika and Georgina. good food too :)
6. The good night song my son sang before he went to sleep.
What made YOU happy today?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Things that made me happy today
Every single day I am going to share what made me happy today or what I am grateful for. I call it the happy-me label.
1. When Jr tried his best to speak in english with his Nenek and then sang 'You are my sungshing' Oh my heart burst with joy!
2. The excitement I felt when walking into the library.
3. My loved ones are at home, sleeping peacefully in their comfortable beds.
1. When Jr tried his best to speak in english with his Nenek and then sang 'You are my sungshing' Oh my heart burst with joy!
2. The excitement I felt when walking into the library.
3. My loved ones are at home, sleeping peacefully in their comfortable beds.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Forgiving, letting go and moving on: Part III
Forgiving is changing our thoughts fowards our past. To release the past we must be willing to forgive.
The person I needed to forgive is_________ and I forgive you for ______________.
I've done a few forgiving exercises over the past few weeks by writing the above.. such a powerful exercise, emotional and yet so rewarding. I thought I had forgiven all those who creeped up in my thoughts but I guess there are a few occasions that came up to the surface lately. Some of it are events I've totally forgotten and for it to come up means I've been harbouring it inside me causing pain and discomfort.
I forgive myself. I forgive you. Thank you and I set you free.
Email response
A few of my friends have responded asking me if I blame them or the elders for my disappointments judging from how I phrased my words.
Seriously, what would blaming do? Solve the situation? Make things better? Heal my scars? Blaming is useless according to Louise Hay. It gives away our power. I neither blame anyone nor want to make anyone responsible or accountable for what I went through. The past is done. Nothing can change it. A wise nun told a dear friend of mine this :
Seriously, what would blaming do? Solve the situation? Make things better? Heal my scars? Blaming is useless according to Louise Hay. It gives away our power. I neither blame anyone nor want to make anyone responsible or accountable for what I went through. The past is done. Nothing can change it. A wise nun told a dear friend of mine this :
We cannot change the past but we can learn from our past.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Forgiving, letting go and moving on: Part II
I mentioned in my earlier post that I promised to be open and honest with my journey of self-discovery.
Bob Greene mentioned on The Oprah Show that ''the weight is a symptom of something in your life that needs to change''. From there I knew that no diets in the world were going to help me lose weight. I needed to find what needed to be changed. I also felt that the person on the inside did not match the body/shell. What am I hiding from? Why was I using my fat as an excuse? Why do I have all these layers? And why do I feel lost, empty, disconnected..?
I found the answer in my thoughts and the way in how I see myself.
I went back to the beginning. The beginning was when I started as a cute kid and turned into a chubby cute kid. 7 Years old, because that’s when school started. The first time I was bullied or the seats in the school bus that were taken even though it remained empty. The tests and exams in which I was told I wasn’t good enough. (Louise Hay says that tests and exams were not used to measure knowledge but to measure self-worth. i couldn't agree more!) I hated report card days because I remember the disappointment I caused my parents. When everything and everyone turned away, I turned to food. Food was always there for me. Food was my friend, my comfort and never let me down. As I grew older, I became fatter. I ate for every reason. I ate when I was happy, sad, angry, furious, upset, depressed. And now at 33 going on 34, I am obese. Morbidly obese.
Analysis: All I ever wanted was encouragement, approval and to be accepted as I am. Instead I received criticism - sadly thats what I remembered after all these years. Indirectly I was given the impression that I was never good enough. My self-esteem was nil. My sibling and I were ALWAYS compared to other children and the worst part was when my father did this in front of others and made fun of me. Couldn’t he see that he was hurting me? When I look back, of course he didn’t know because we were taught to bottle up our feelings and emotions else we’d be disobedient or arrogant.
Over the years there were many people who hurt and disappointed me; my parents, my sister, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my husband, my in-laws, my friends, my teachers, my co-workers, my superiors, my bosses. The hurt and disappointment caused pain.
And that’s where Louise comes in. I needed to let go of the past, resentment, criticism, guilt and fear. I was locked in the past. Forgiving meant letting go and it has nothing to do with condoning bad behavior. It just meant that I was changing my thoughts and attitude towards the past. I’ve learnt that the past has no power over me.
To release the past I had to be willing to forgive. This is where the real work begins. Forgiving was easier said than done. After 2 months I can say it is still a work-in-progress. I forgive my parents for they didn’t know better. I have a vague idea how my father was raised in his family and how it must have been for my mom in her big family. I forgive them for not being the way I wanted them to be. I am willing to set myself free. I am giving myself a second chance to freedom and creating new beliefs.
I am willing to let go.
I release all tension.
I release all fear.
I release all anger.
I release all guilt.
I release all sadness.
I let go of all old limitations and I am peace with myself.
I am at peace with the process of life.
I am safe.
Bob Greene mentioned on The Oprah Show that ''the weight is a symptom of something in your life that needs to change''. From there I knew that no diets in the world were going to help me lose weight. I needed to find what needed to be changed. I also felt that the person on the inside did not match the body/shell. What am I hiding from? Why was I using my fat as an excuse? Why do I have all these layers? And why do I feel lost, empty, disconnected..?
I found the answer in my thoughts and the way in how I see myself.
I went back to the beginning. The beginning was when I started as a cute kid and turned into a chubby cute kid. 7 Years old, because that’s when school started. The first time I was bullied or the seats in the school bus that were taken even though it remained empty. The tests and exams in which I was told I wasn’t good enough. (Louise Hay says that tests and exams were not used to measure knowledge but to measure self-worth. i couldn't agree more!) I hated report card days because I remember the disappointment I caused my parents. When everything and everyone turned away, I turned to food. Food was always there for me. Food was my friend, my comfort and never let me down. As I grew older, I became fatter. I ate for every reason. I ate when I was happy, sad, angry, furious, upset, depressed. And now at 33 going on 34, I am obese. Morbidly obese.
Analysis: All I ever wanted was encouragement, approval and to be accepted as I am. Instead I received criticism - sadly thats what I remembered after all these years. Indirectly I was given the impression that I was never good enough. My self-esteem was nil. My sibling and I were ALWAYS compared to other children and the worst part was when my father did this in front of others and made fun of me. Couldn’t he see that he was hurting me? When I look back, of course he didn’t know because we were taught to bottle up our feelings and emotions else we’d be disobedient or arrogant.
Over the years there were many people who hurt and disappointed me; my parents, my sister, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my husband, my in-laws, my friends, my teachers, my co-workers, my superiors, my bosses. The hurt and disappointment caused pain.
And that’s where Louise comes in. I needed to let go of the past, resentment, criticism, guilt and fear. I was locked in the past. Forgiving meant letting go and it has nothing to do with condoning bad behavior. It just meant that I was changing my thoughts and attitude towards the past. I’ve learnt that the past has no power over me.
To release the past I had to be willing to forgive. This is where the real work begins. Forgiving was easier said than done. After 2 months I can say it is still a work-in-progress. I forgive my parents for they didn’t know better. I have a vague idea how my father was raised in his family and how it must have been for my mom in her big family. I forgive them for not being the way I wanted them to be. I am willing to set myself free. I am giving myself a second chance to freedom and creating new beliefs.
I am willing to let go.
I release all tension.
I release all fear.
I release all anger.
I release all guilt.
I release all sadness.
I let go of all old limitations and I am peace with myself.
I am at peace with the process of life.
I am safe.
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